Katherine Moves to Kansas Read online

  “You kids are so beautiful. So beautiful,” Sue said, exhaling loudly, providing a small smile, and closing her eyes. “I love you all.”

  “We love you as well, Aunt Sue,” Adriano said, ushering his foster siblings from the room. He closed the door and led them to the kitchen. As they had when they were children, each started a task preparing the table for dinner. Thanksgiving was only a day away, and it would be the first one without Aunt Sue manning the helm, but they had so much to be thankful for when they looked back at the life she’d given and the values she instilled in her babies.

  Adriano spoke softly, “I need to get married. I told her I would and start a family and raise my children here. She wants me to do that before she leaves this world. I haven’t dated in a while, so I have no prospects, at least not anyone I want to look at or listen to every damned day.”

  McAlister spoke up with a grin, “I have just the answer, big brother. I can get you a woman, just as weird as you are to make weird little kids who organize their sock drawers by color.”

  It was the way he said it with the twinkle in his eyes that made Adriano not trust him. He never thought McAlister to be the most trustworthy man, considering he had a mean streak running up his spine and sense of humor that would make a chicken blush and goat make feta without milking it. Adriano confessed he didn’t want to know.

  “Yeah, you do. There is this place in New York called Perfect Match. You pay a fee and they find you the perfect match,” McAlister said. “I signed up.”

  Kimbrae looked around him, providing just as much attitude as she had when they were teens, “I don’t see a wife. It must not be a good service or it is a service that’s too good and there is no perfect match for a black man with red hair and blue eyes.”

  “Does everything have to be about race with you, Kimbrae?” Jeremy asked.

  “This isn’t about race; this is about McAlister being a bizarre lab experiment,” she said, punching him in the arm.

  McAlister chuffed, “You’re still a pain the ass as an adult, just like you were as a kid, do you know that?”

  The mood was heavy as they discussed, planned, and decided to see each other again soon. Then, the oddest thing happened. As they took a seat at the old dinner table in the dining room where they’d grown into adulthood and set about their lives in colleges and varying states, it once again felt like family had come home. Aunt Sue at the head of the table and Adriano at the foot, in between were the brothers and sister who fought over the mashed potatoes, asked too much of the macaroni and cheese and lingered over pound cake. A meal, not had often enough was share by all, glad to be together again, and the spark was back in Aunt Sue’s eyes.

  Aunt Sue was up the next day full of energy. She said she had a dream that each of her seven babies got married, and next year, the entire farm would be bustling with life. They all laughed at her, but they knew good and darn well that Aunt Sue had a way about her as well as those soothsaying dreams which brought them closer together than they’ve ever been.

  On the front porch, they waved goodbye as the family members climbed into vehicles. Kimbrae, much like Adriano, lived the closest, only 45 minutes northeast of the farm in Missouri. She spoke to him for much of the evening about taking the advice of McAlister. He saw no reason to do such a thing, pay to have someone find him a wife. However, it took some coaching, pleading, and a tad bit of leading before Adriano headed to New York on the first of December with a plan in mind.

  “I’m going to go and get me a wife,” he said, feeling a gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach. There were a lot of things Aunt Sue didn’t tell him. There were also a great number of things Adriano Barbens didn’t know about his foster mother, as well as himself. The woman who became his perfect match showed up to teach him everything he needed to know about his next steps in life as well as the things he didn’t know about being a man.

  First, however, there was a great deal of drama and laughter and a series of events he wasn’t able to explain to Aunt Sue when he returned less than two months later with his blushing bride named Katherine Mae Montgomery Barbens, whom everyone called Katy Mae for short. She was a bright, light spirited, almost easy-going woman who had a way with words and way of handling Adriano.

  In the mountains of Tennessee, Honey Montgomery packed her suitcase, prepared for the first time in her life to fly to New York City on an airplane with her youngest child. Katy Mae was heading to New York to do a favor for her sister-in-law, Khloe, who was married to Honey’s oldest son, Beauregard Sherman Montgomery. None of it made a lick of sense to her, but she was going just the same. The world wasn’t a safe place for a naive young thing like her Katy Mae. It was Honey’s job to protect her pup from predators on four legs or the worst kind of hunters, the ones who walked upright on two. The two-legged predators, who worked in glass buildings for organizations with names made out of abbreviations or just alphabets with periods behind each letter, were the worst sort. From what Honey understood about the gub’ment and the spy service they called the Post Office, she found it difficult to believe that them bureaucrats in Washington, DC, paid a single person to drive by your house six days a week and shove items you didn’t ask for in your mailbox. It seemed unnatural and she often told the mailman such. One time, the man who delivered her mail every day for twenty-five years suddenly stopped coming; she was told he retired. The next thing she knew, it was a young black woman, riding in the same vehicle, shoving more paper in her box that she didn’t need.

  Since then, she hadn’t trusted the gub’ment, or any agency they represented, and she sure as hell didn’t trust the TSA or the FAA, and at times she didn’t trust the good old U.S. of A. More importantly, the whole flying to New York in a sardine can, fueled by high powered jet fuel, filled with a bunch of strangers coughing, sneezing, and farting in the same can, also seemed unnatural.

  “Why you gotta go and take this package to Khloe’s friend? Is it some kind of drugs or something?” Honey asked her daughter.

  “Ma, I think it’s just Khloe’s way of giving me a break. You’ve never traveled outside of the state, and she’s paying for you to come along to keep me company as we make fun of all these funny talking folks in the big city,” Katy Mae said as she loaded the battered suitcase into the back of her Ford.

  “I don’t like it,” Honey replied, as she slid into the front seat. “Me and your Paw ain’t never really been apart except when he goes bear hunting. How long are we going to be away from the Hollar?”

  “Three days, Ma, and it’s going to be fun,” Katy Mae told her mother as they climbed in the Ford and drove towards the airport in Knoxville, Tennessee to board a flight into LaGuardia.

  The nervousness didn’t ease off, and Honey Montgomery toyed with the frayed edges of the old cotton dress she insisted upon wearing. Khloe cautioned her the dress was too thin for winter in New York, forcing her mother-in-law to use her heavy coat. Just for safety and her health, Khloe had slipped in a couple of pairs of thick tights and leggings into Katy Mae’s luggage for both her and Honey.

  Once they arrived, the package was the first thing Katy Mae wanted to drop off before heading to the hotel. Her plans had been to take her mother to a Broadway Show, visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and purchase a few new books for her classroom and the advanced readers. She didn’t know that it was Khloe’s plan to get her in front of Coraline Newair, the matchmaker. It didn’t take long for Katy Mae to add two and two and determine Khloe’s plotting. It also didn’t help the circumstance to know the woman seemed to have been expecting her.

  “Katy Mae Montgomery,” Coraline said, the green eyes twinkling in delight.

  “Khloe must have told you I was coming to bring this package,” Katy Mae stated suspiciously, passing the box to the woman.

  “No, she didn’t,” Coraline said, pouring two cups of tea, one for Honey and the other for Katy Mae. “Well, since you’re here and have some time before dinner and your show, humor me. I mean, you’ve co
me this far, so let’s have some fun.”

  Katy Mae squinted her eyes at the woman, and Honey pushed away the cup of tea. Honey held her fingers up in the air making the sign of the cross, breaking the contact of the digits momentarily to remove from her purse what looked like a small vial of amber colored liquid and dashing droplets of it on Coraline.

  It had a stench, and Coraline frowned in horror, “What is that, pee?”

  “Yes, from this bear that my husband tracked down last winter,” Honey said, shielding Katy Mae with her body. “Go on, git out that door, Katy Mae, this woman’s a witch. Back foul creature.... go on now git, you demon bride of Satan, before I douse you in the blessed excretions of Waldo the Bear.”

  Katy Mae didn’t seem to shocked, and she reached for her mother and the spray bottle of bear urine. She forced Honey to lower her hand, but Honey was quick on the draw, reacquiring the bottle of repellant, spraying Coraline again and hitting the side of her face. Coraline wiped it away, frowning and trying to duck the next onslaught as Honey sprayed, getting the liquid in the dark hair of the matchmaker, who raised her fingers in such a way that Katy Mae jumped between her mother and the woman. The last thing she needed was her Ma to be cursed and talking like a city slicker for the rest of her days.

  “Ma, put away that bear piss and stop embarrassing us,” Katy Mae said. “Lord in heaven, may He be ever so merciful.”

  Coraline was also squinting at Honey and asking Katy Mae, “I don’t even want to know how your mother got a container of bear urine or why she’s spritzing it at me, or should I ask how it was blessed?”

  Katy Mae, beyond horrified that her mother had gotten bear urine through TSA. She was also mortified she’d brought the liquid along a defensive mechanism. Last but not least, she sprayed the material in the woman’s hair and it would take forever to rid herself of the stench. In her best attempt, she tried to explain her mother’s actions, and to apologize.

  “Chile, she got a toothless man who calls himself a Shaman that lives up in the woods behind their cabin to shake a few white rattle snake bones, spit in the jar, spin around three times, and then touch the moss on a tree; that’s what she calls a blessing,” Katy Mae said, moving her mother to a chair.

  Coraline watched the two carefully, taking note of all she was seeing. The thin dress Honey wore was no match for the November Winter in New York. Khloe had sent Katy Mae to her office for a reason. She wouldn’t let Khloe down, so she watched the interaction between mother and daughter. If Katy Mae didn’t get away from her family to create her own life or follow her own dreams, Khloe must have seen Katy Mae in a future replicated version of the mother. She watched the two of them and Katy Mae spoke aloud with her back to Coraline.

  “I have all sorts of questions for you, lady, especially if Khloe didn’t tell you I was coming, which means you wouldn’t have known I planned to attend the theater this evening, so what gives,” she said, turning quickly and moving to stand toe to toe with Coraline.

  “Oh my, I like you,” Coraline said with a wink. Before Katy Mae could question, Coraline touched her arm, then moved quickly, touching Honey as well.

  “The jury is out on whether or not we like you,” Katy Mae replied, spritzing her skin where Coraline touched her, with a bit of Eau de Waldo.

  “I don’t like her at all,” Honey sputtered through her broken teeth. “She touched me with her witchy laced fingers and sprinkled this tea with her hoo-doo. Step back, Katy Mae, and let me douse her with more of Walter’s essence.”

  “Ma, stop it. I’m here for a reason,” Katy Mae said, “so give me a minute to find out why. You’re going to tell me why I’m here, ain’t cha, fancy lady?”

  “You’re here so I can find you a husband,” Coraline said with the twinkle back in her eye.

  “All of that is fine and dandy, but your touch don’t work on me or my Ma, so cut out the bullshit and tell me how this works because Katy Mae is ready for a man and some babies. I sure as hell want to get off that mountain and travel to an island with crystal blue water and white sandy beaches for a honeymoon. If you can make that happen, you can touch my arm or my boobs or run your fingers through my hair, and not the strands on top of my head, and tell me I’m pretty for all I care,” Katy Mae said as Coraline’s green eyes lit up.

  “Oh yeah, I like you a lot,” Coraline said, grinning and cracking her knuckles. “Let’s get to work, but first, tell me how your Mama got that bear urine.”

  Chapter 2- Working

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  Adriano stood in the lobby of the Iroquois Hotel, casually observing a mother and daughter who appeared to be straight out of the backwoods of a small Southern hick town. The mother, a walking stereotype in a worn-out cotton dress not fit to pick peas, smiled, showing off more gums than teeth, and had dull, greyish colored hair, which may have, at one time, been honey blond. The daughter, on the other hand, had a luscious mane of auburn hair, a pert little nose, and a cute bottom big enough to fill a man’s hands. She was dressed for a New York winter, and she fought with her mother to wear a scarf tight about her neck and an overcoat, seemingly purchased for a larger woman with more hips.

  Lost in his thoughts, he hadn’t seen the woman move, but as he focused his eyes, she was no longer by the door, but standing toe to toe with him. Her deep brown irises focused on his face as if she were studying the contours of his soul. He blinked twice, scared to exhale out of fear his breath would be tart and the spell she’d woven between them would be broken.

  “Mister, you keep staring at me like that you’re going to have to give me your last name,” Katy Mae said to him.

  “You keep standing that close to me, you can get it,” Adriano replied.

  “Get what? Your last name?”

  “Yeah, that too, I guess,” he said as the corner of his mouth twitched.

  Katy Mae squinted at him. “Whatcha doing there with your mouth? You look like Wednesday Addams trying to smile. I sure hope that’s not what you were tryin’ to do, ‘cause if so, man, I sure don’t want to see your teeth.”

  “My teeth?”

  “Yeah, the enamel needs sunshine like anything else in your body, if not, the enamel dulls as does your smile,” Katy Mae explained, cocking her head and watching him more closely. “You need to go find something else to do other than woman watch. You ain’t very good at it.”

  His brow furrowed as he stared at the odd woman. “I’m not watching women, just you and your mother.”

  Katy Mae’s eyes narrowed, and she moved closer. “Is that some kind of threat, Mister? I may not be from these parts but I ain’t no stranger to danger. Where I’m from, I can gut you and string your entrails out for the scavengers and rats to feast upon before your Mama even knows you’re missing.”

  “Good God!” Adriano said and took a step back.

  “Yeah, you’d better call on Him if you plan to tangle with this Tennessee mountain gal. I will mess you up one side and sew up all your open holes as you bloat with your own rot, and nine times out of ten, I like doing that a lot,” Katy Mae said with a wink. “Come on, Ma, we’re gonna be late. Take care of yourself, Mister. You’re also a fish out of water here, and I can smell the hay on you, Farm Boy.”

  She walked off, bundled up, arguing with her mother, who squealed at the force of the cold wind that slapped her in the face when the hotel doors of opened. Adriano, outdone that the woman called him out so quickly, took a seat. Quietly he sat, not sure what to make of the interaction while he waited for the clock to strike four before heading over to the matchmaker’s office. He had a cashier’s check in his pocket for the payment to find himself a wife.

  Ideally, he would have preferred to wife hunt the old-fashioned way, but he really didn’t have a lot of game when it came to playing the field. Dating wasn’t something he did recreationally. During slower times in his life, he’d find a partner to share a meal and a night of passion or converse about books over coffee, history, and social injustices of the world. The idea of waki
ng up to the same woman every day felt uncomfortable. Then, the idea of being married to a woman he picked based on a computer line-up made him all the more uncomfortable and increased his desire to head back to Kansas. Just as he was about to call the office and cancel the appointment, he looked down at his feet, which were also uncomfortable in the wet weather boots. Under his shoe was a business card. Curiosity made him bend to pick it up.

  It felt like a blow to the chest when he saw the number and name on the business card was the number and name of the place he needed to be in less than a half hour.

  “Is this the universe speaking to me or did Aunt Sue put in a prayer for me to get a wife so she could get herself a passel of grandkids?” he wondered, getting to his feet, ready to face the future.

  Like the woman and her mother, he put on his overcoat, bundling up as he opened the door of the hotel and nearly squealed himself. The air was cold, crisp, and unforgiving as it encircled his coat, pulled down the back of his scarf, and smacked him in the neck. For a second, he felt his right testicle contract and he wanted to turn around and go back inside where it was warm.

  “No time to punk out now,” he said to no one as he lowered his head, moving towards the afternoon chill and heading to the Avenue of the Americas to get himself a wife.

  Three hours later, holding four names in his hand, he stared at the images on the screen. A pretty blond with dazzling blue eyes caught his eye. They matched on the computer in most things important to a long-term relationship, but only at 89% compatibility. It would take more than 89% to get him to the altar; he didn’t care how pretty she was; it was the other unanswered eleven digits that created a hard no in his mind in regard to the blue-eyed lady.

  The next woman, a redhead with fiery Heat Meister colored hair, matched him at 92%. The other two ladies, both matched him at well over the 98 percentiles. They had earned his attention.